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why am I so depressed ... adhkshsal I was perfectly fine something is wrong with me. I have so many things inside me that I need to let out but why is it so hard -_- came home from cof today and went up to my room and started crying for no apparent reason . I realized that I haven't had a real good talk with anyone for the longest time. and it's becoming really hard for me to open up to people cus I'm jst not used to it anymore. I remember when my old sunday school teacher took me out and we had the best talk ever...she completely understood me and was seriously like psychic. she said that she feels like I have a plate full of tears ready to let out and it's good to just cry it out even if you don't want to.. and at that moment I just like started bawling for like thirty minutes and she was just there comforting me.. and i think that same thing is happening again. I hate putting up a fake smile every single day just so people won't come up to me and ask me what's wrong and I'll just start tearing T_T & the sad thing is that I feel like I don't have anyone to tell stuff to these days. I know that there's people who will listen and be there but it's so hard to even tell them anything becus it doesn't seem to do anything to make me feel any better.. so I jst keep it in and not tell anyone. nobody just understands..

so for the upcoming retreat. I really have to prepare for it and pray that things will go well. and that I'll have the chance to let things out and have that close relationship with God again. when I felt like I was at my high peak of my Christian life I felt really worry free and I remember I prayed every single day whereever and whenever.. in the shower, during passing period, at night, etc. I'd just talk and pray. gaaah I hope I don't just get that retreat high.. akfhlajsls

sigh why are things so hard these days?